Fortysomething Men Walk Thirtysomething Miles

The plan was to conquer the Cotswolds in the hottest week in June but my foot injury and common sense delayed our walk to raise awareness of the male malaise in the middle-age.

The four of us would have either sweated to death or wished we were dead after paying for expensive hotels and cheeky service charges for steak sandwiches in beer gardens.

We escaped the heat by moving the hike to the last few days of September, but not the kerching of the cash register. Don’t ask me what part of the 102-mile Cotswold Way we walked 35 miles. When my Komoot route was 120 miles away from our destination I lost my tour guide role.

There was rain, sun, wind, B-list celebrities and police arresting five men outside RAF Fairford. It was the talk of the town especially in our hotel the Wheatsheaf Inn with wild speculation over what was happening.

I was more concerned about what I was getting for almost £400 for two nights. While my friends were upstairs, I was downstairs next to the restaurant with the willy art. My bed was big and comfy, the bath was luxurious and perfect for soaking my tired limbs. The hot chocolate was tasty. The LG TV was connected to terrestrial streaming services which all good hotels should offer.

When preparing for the hike, I confided in Copilot about my battle against plantar fasciitis and my decline in physical fitness. It understood I was not as fit and fast as I used to be.

Your foot is healing.

Your endurance is excellent.

Your pace will improve as your gait normalises.

You’re not done.

You’re just in a rebuilding phase.

We all used to be something way back when. Now we are what we are, carving out time to walk up and down hills and pay the bills. We set out at 11am on the first day talking about football, families, work and other newsworthy topics. Our version of the Bayeux Tapestry would show us growing up together, getting drunk, reinventing ourselves, loving and hating work, living in London, starting families, moving in different directions and hiking to socialise. It would make a good tea towel to wash up cutlery to avoid dishwasher domestics at home.

It was great to get my leg over…the stiles. My dyspraxia made it difficult, especially when I have a dodgy foot. Even with my walking poles it was a challenge to get down hills with uneven terrain and loose rocks. My spatial awareness and coordination malfunctioning, I struggled to move my feet and poles in tandem. Copilot tells me I can get faster with poles — but it takes practice.

The cost of living has more crunch than an Iceberg lettuce and a dislocated kneecap. Our lunch stops resurfaced my ambition to launch the World Sandwich Shop in tourist destinations and charge £12 for a baguette that represents the host city or town. If people are hungry, they will pay.

The Cotswold is very scenic. My photos do not do it justice, although I wished I snapped the sheep with the best face ever. We were hoping to make a cameo appearance in With Love, Meghan for some bread and water, but were chased off the land by a ginger-haired man in a helicopter into the Jeremy Clarkson brewery.

I was annoyed I could not finish my full English breakfast on our last day because it cost £17. I wonder how long the term “full English” will survive on breakfast menus as it may become divisive with the constituent parts analysed for their DNA.

The good thing about middle-aged socialising is you talk about real stuff that can make everyone feel good, not adolescent nonsense and boasts to make yourself feel good and other people feel worse.

The four of us have matured and are responsible and accountable for what we do and how we do it. Unfortunately so many other people in society take, take, take and nothing is ever their fault. Like the delivery driver for a Cotswolds seafood company who blocked our exit from the car park because he had fish to deliver. If only he knew the fish are far more important than him in the employment relationship.

I read in Why CEOs are taking a hike that it gives CEOs and senior leaders the chance to meet staff on equal terms, learn their names, and put faces to emails. The Economist article on hiking reported it is a great whole-body workout - from head to toe and everything in between. As well as strengthening muscles and bones, walking in nature is good for your mental health.

When I was hiking I did not ask Copilot anything. I was facing my reality and middle-age malaise will not slow me down. In fact, I can feel my power returning, especially my ability to groan when sitting down and standing up.

Inspiration

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