Berlin Holiday Review

This year’s family holiday was in Berlin for an enjoyable mix of history, culture, scenery and sausages. Work mode off, holiday mode on. It started in the Heathrow terminal 5 business lounge which has a self-service policy for food and drink. Good for people who want their money’s worth but I like having someone make my drinks.

The cooked breakfast was nice, the pastries were okay, I helped myself to an early double Baileys. The amount of food wasted by other people was annoying. I was tempted to have a shower but was too busy queuing for the handful of toilets. The flight to Berlin was over soon after my second glass of Bucks Fizz.

It was my first experience of the Entry/Exit fingerprint system which I sailed through without delay. I thought I was being smart by not wearing a belt because taking it off and on slows me down during the security check. While I am a little bigger than I was a year ago, I am not that much bigger and badly missed my belt when carrying my suitcase up the endless steps of Berlin stations. To prevent showing too much of myself to the world, I used one hand to keep up my trousers but that pulled apart my button and flies, leaving me running after my children with my trousers coming down. Sagging to the max, no dad raps could save my shame.

I arrived at the Meliá Berlin hotel to discover I had to pay a mandatory tourist tax of €110 to help fund and maintain tourism‑related services and the overall quality of the visitor experience. To be fair there is a lot to see in Berlin. Our plan was to do two things a day, ideally by foot to avoid the wanted posters at stations for the middle-aged Brit with trousers round his ankles.

We ate lots of burgers and chips, currywurst, sausage rolls, pasta, pizza and risotto and pistachio-filled pastries. I almost fell asleep on the boat cruise and the poor signage in the shopping mall resulted in an epic search for the toilets. You shouldn’t have to pay a Euro for a comfort break if you have already paid the tourist tax.

Berlin is an important historical city whatever side of the wall your politics may fall. Our itinerary included the Holocaust Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, moving in and out of the 2,700 concrete pillars to pay our respects. The information centre is worth your time.

Book in advance if you want to visit the Reichstag building to find out about Germany’s Parliament and its institutional origins. The DDR Museum is unique, extraordinary and one of the most visited museums in Berlin. I really enjoyed it and make sure your eyes are open so you don’t miss the sign about the Hitler salute being prohibited by law in Germany. Not that you would make the Hitler salute, but you might do and regret it.

The National History Museum is a must and I went solo to visit the Altes museum exhibition on the art and culture of the Greeks, Etruscans and Romans. Checkpoint Charlie, Brandenburg Gate and the Berlin Wall made the list too.

Berlin is a city of dance with dancers around the Reichstag and an outdoor dance floor by the river. I expect it is a cool place to live as a teenager as you are exposed to international visitors and cultures, with the city small enough to feel part of it. There are Starbucks everywhere and more Irish pubs than I expected.

I am at the age where I cannot find any clothes that suit or appeal to me wherever in the world I go. Rest and relaxation involved watching hours of rolling news. CNN International, Sky News, Bloomberg and BBC News across the UK and around the world. It is very easy to watch even if you are watching the same headlines or features again and again. I gave up on reading Don Quixote to read a Jack Reacher book.

I wore a belt to travel to the airport which was easy enough once we were on the correct train. A rude British woman telling a baby to “shut the f**k up” at the departure lounge made me wish she would shut the fuck up!

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